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 Often paranormal researchers may get overly
excited about the prospect of visiting a well known, or even an unknown,
cemetery that is purportedly active. Before we venture into these solemn
places of rest, we should not forget that we are intruding as uninvited
guests. Act as you would if you were with a friend, who stopped by
unexpectedly to visit someone you don’t know
unannounced and you went into their home not
knowing the inhabitants, or the surroundings.
While pondering this scenario, also put
yourself into the shoes of the unexpected hosts. Has this ever happened
to you? And how did you feel?
Here are some suggestions for proper
etiquette while visiting a cemetery for an investigation:
Never, But NEVER, Trespass –
Most cemeteries ‘Close at Dusk!’ Thus it is
best to get permission in writing from those owning the property;
whether it is a property management group, the city or township, the
local police or sheriff, or the property owners. Let them know your
intent, the time of your visit and the time of your departure. Should
you stay past that point (for whatever the reason) you may still be
breaking the law. So unless the group has made arrangements for
extending the time, leave cheerfully and quickly when you realize you’ve
reached your time limit. Also, should there be any gates (walk-in or
driveway) that were locked, re-lock them when you leave if you have been
given the keys. If you don’t have a key, and they are locked, it’s
pretty likely that you are being given a BIG hint that you're not
allowed to be entering a private cemetery and stay out of
it!
Not All Visitors to the Cemetery Are There
to Find Ghosts – It is not
uncommon in any cemetery to find other people with various reasons for
being there; historians, family descendants, genealogists and the like.
Cemeteries are also popular locations for photographers and headstone
engravers. Be sure to respect them and make yourself as unobtrusive as
possible. Avoid yelling or speaking out loudly, avoid obnoxious
chit-chat about apparitions, ghosts, or spirits, as many may find this
offensive. Your comments may also upset others who are there shortly
after interring a deceased family member. They would prefer to think
that their family or friend has moved on to a better place…not hanging
around as a ghost in the cemetery for eternity!
Respect the grounds and surroundings and
carry yourself in silence and if you must speak, whisper softly in
subdued tones when strangers are present, unless they initiated the
conversation.
Show Respect for the Inhabitants –
Whoever the souls are that inhabit the
cemetery, they chose to remain there and may, in fact consider it their
‘home.’ Conduct yourself as you would when visiting anyone’s home. You
are the visitor, welcome or unwelcome, and these spirits may even
consider you as an uninvited trespasser on their property. Some of the
spiritual inhabitants may find you amusing and enjoy the attention,
while others may be quite ignorant and belligerent, or even territorial,
but regardless of how they manifest themselves, be sure to be as
understanding as you possibly can, under the circumstances.
Be respectful when walking on the
graves…it’s best to walk around them if they are clearly marked. Don’t
leave litter behind, and if you see a lot of litter, clean it up! While
doing so, speak to the inhabitants as if you are helping them maintain
house. Speak softly and in soft normal tones; avoid obnoxious and
disrespectful jokes about the dead. Remember your voice will carry, and
the louder the voice, the more annoyed a spirit may become, and you may,
believe it or not, even frighten some spirits away, thus reducing your
chances of seeing an apparition, getting great photos, or recording
interaction with the spirits via EVPs.
Also watch your mouth! Vulgarity is
sometimes heard in EVP recordings by the spirits. However, it’s not
considered good manners to the living to be vulgar or swear in public,
and you certainly wouldn’t do it in someone else home who you don’t
know. It just makes good sense not to do it in the cemetery either.
Joking With the Dead –
Humans often make jest when put into a
‘nervous’ or an ‘uncomfortable’ situation. But you don’t have to be
morose, obnoxious, or rude when trying to be funny. As with the living,
we are sometimes offended by tasteless and indignant humor. Spirits do
have a sense of humor, and can appreciate ‘good’ humor. We all have a
‘spirit’ or a ‘soul,’ we as the living still happen to have a physical
body, so remember, if it’s considered tasteless humor to the living, it
is to the dead as well!
Here are a few tasteless ‘jokes’ that have
been heard in various cemeteries which annoyed the living and could
possibly irritate the dead as well:
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"Oops, didn't
mean to shout loud enough to wake the dead. Ha-ha-ha."
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"Gee, he must
have been a cheapskate, not giving his wife her own headstone."
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"So, when do the
ghouls show up, huh? Ha-ha-ha."
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"Let's leave
soon, I'm feeling dead tired."
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"Can't you take a
joke? I mean, hey, you're looking pretty grave. Ha-ha-ha."
Over time you will find that some sprits do
have a great sense of humor, and if you’ve been doing this long enough
you may have experienced it yourself…if not, you will. So as a courtesy
to the dead if someone begins making ‘bad’ or ‘inappropriate’ jokes; put
an immediate STOP to it and/or make them leave the cemetery. It’s not
uncommon for these jokesters to become inexplicably hurt or have strange
problems occur shortly after which may lead one to believe that maybe,
just maybe, our unexpected hosts are ‘getting even!’
Help in Protecting the Cemetery –
A general rule of thumb is to leave the
cemetery in the same, if not better, condition as you found it. Be
careful when you are close to the headstones or monuments, don’t lean or
sit on them. Weather has an adverse affect on them and in climates that
experience deep freezes can cause a marker to crumble and fall; not only
causing damage to it, but injuring the living. Don’t use any creams,
lotions, gels or sprays to reveal inscriptions on a grave marker, as
this can further damage them. A trick that can be used instead is to
take a strong flashlight - like a halogen flashlight and hold it at
sharp angle against the marker. This will often reveal much of the
inscription, and definitely be much friendlier to the fragility of the
stone or marble marker. Acid rain already does enough damage without us
adding to the erosion.
Remove nothing from the cemetery, unless of
course, it is considered litter (like beverage cans, candy wrappers, or
fast food containers) that someone else has left behind. People often
bring things to a grave they consider personal and leave (or give) them
for the deceased. It would be considered poor taste to ‘steal’ from the
dead, and they wouldn’t much like it either!
Don’t eat, drink, or smoke in the cemetery.
When taking a break from an investigation, step outside the barriers of
the cemetery to do so. And worse, if you have to use toilet facilities,
go to the nearest restroom! And if in a rural area where no restrooms
are available, at least get far enough away from the perimeter of the
property to be as respectful as possible to the spirits. Let’s not
forget your privacy, you might be watched and not even know it. There
have been reports of seeing apparitions or hearing voices when doing
so…so don’t be startled should this happen.
Don’t take any pets with you on an
investigation, and certainly not into the cemetery; for obvious
reasons…After all, how would you like if someone urinated, or worse, on
your plot? Not to mention that animals have an uncanny sense of
paranormal acuity…it often makes them skittish and nervous…and you may
end up with a neurotic animal on your hands.
It Is Generally Polite to Seek Permission
From Your Hosts – As
researchers, it is often a good idea to wait for at least a half an hour
prior to taking photographs. This is a good time to walk the perimeter
to allow yourself enough time to get used to the dark and learn your
surrounding, as well as allow those spirits present to become accustomed
to you presence. During this walk they will become increasingly curious
about what you are doing there, this late at night, with all these
people, and all this strange equipment!
Also before taking any photographs it would
be considered polite to quietly ask for permission of the deceased, and
in a respectful manner prior to doing so, politely announcing that a
flash of light will occur. This does two things, first it notifies your
colleagues that you’re about to take a flash, and second you won’t
frighten the spirit away that may or may not be familiar with flash
photography. And also always be sure to say ‘thank you’ after taking
the photograph. It may sound peculiar, but you may be surprised how
cooperative some subjects may become, which you’ll notice in your
photographs later on review.
10 Simple Rules to
Remember
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Take only photos and audio recordings;
leave only footprints.
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Do not touch the memorials or artifacts
as they are privately owned outdoor sculptures.
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No alcohol, firearms, drugs or
entertainment items like stereos or iPods in the cemetery.
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Always show respect for the dead and be
polite, keep your voice down, and ask permission.
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Do NOT bring children or pets on an
investigation.
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Do NOT litter, and refrain from eating
or smoking on the premises during an investigation.
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Do NOT destroy or take any of the
plants, or bother any wildlife which inhabits the cemetery.
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Keep your vehicle ONLY on designated
roadways or in parking areas and never leave the vehicle idling, as this
can damage historic structures and sculptures with the emissions.
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Please stay on designated walkways or
footpaths and only sit on seating intended to do so.
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Never trespass and obey posted times of
operation. And always report suspicious activities or vandalism to the
local law authorities.
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